PA First draft any comments are welcome please :)

[mloz42]

j

[PS_editor]

In medicine, providers often argue over which organ is more important, the brain or the heart. Do they really? Through experiences, the brain assembles knowledge, facts, and ideas. If this experience is pleasant, inspiration may result. The heart translates inspiration into motion. This sentence is unclear. Often, providers agree that it is a collaboration of both which ultimately drives human passions. Is this something providers, specifically, normally talk about? Let's be honest. It was through my clinical experiences at Methodist Hospital that inspired me to pursue a career as a physician assistant. These, along with personal experiences gave me a heart for people and medicine. Ok, so this intro was interesting, but what did your point about the brain/heart have anything to do with your clinical experiences and how you chose to pursue PA? Never assume that since you "get it," the readers will. I am confused. This intro needs 1-2 more sentences to really tie in the connection you're going for. However I think this intro has great potential.

 

(Also, providers don't sit around arguing about which organ is most important. Try to tone down the exaggerations.)

 

The road to becoming a college student has been unique in several aspects. My family and I immigrated to the U.S. as refugees fleeing war torn Bosnia. Abrupt transition from your intro During grade school my parents worked multiple jobs, leaving me to be the eyes and ears of a determined grandmother. With uneducated and hardworking parents, I learned the value of a good education and continued in this vein. Make sure this ties in to the rest of your essay. Work on better transitions. As of now it just stands out as a random insert.

 

A serious medical condition affected my life when my sister was diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis Complex (TSC) four months after I moved to college. As the only educated not the best choice of words member of my family, I translated for my mother at all of my sister’s doctor’s appointments. This put a strain on my course work when I had to miss a few classes and rearrange my schedule to maintain my grades. Overnight stays at Children’s Hospital were sometimes the only free time between work and school, use semicolon instead of comma however I was needed there, and at school. I sat through classes imagining Jasmina’s life in peril. My mother’s voice would ring in my head, “Hana, I don’t understand them, when will you be here?” I really liked this paragraph. You offer a short and simple explanation for some grades, and the last three sentences were powerful. My only suggestion I have here is to perhaps expand on your impression of the providers when you acted as translator.

 

TSC was my first exposure to the complexities of medicine. Seeing the disorder affect every part of day-to-day life gave me further understanding of the human body. At fifteen months Jasmina could crawl, but not walk. At two, she walked but never spoke. Nonetheless, I could understand her body language. The medical professionals’ commitment to not only medicine but to the personal care of both the sick patients and their family persuaded me to search for a job specific to healthcare.

 

My jobs through college provided a way to pay for my books, supplies, and food, while medical expenses to keep Jasmina with us swamped my parents. Although, no comma needed all efforts of keeping Jasmina with us (you repeated this phrase) ended early this year, she has left me with an enduring effort, no comma needed, also, did you mean "inspiration" rather than "effort?" Also, this is the PERFECT place to tie your esay back to your intro about the heart and brain. Don't waste it! A good intro sets the "theme" of an essay, and you should try to weave it seamlessly into the body of the essay to improve the day-to-day life of other children and families.

 

In my freshman summer, I trained for a twenty-four hour weekend shift as a telemonitoring technician. Complex dysrhythmias captivated me. Working to understand them allowed me to develop critical thinking skills all the while transforming academic knowledge to real life situations. Watching a life-threatening rhythm on screen, my mind wanted to know more. awkward sentence Questions of “what will this mean for my patient?” or “what will need to be done to keep them stable?” ran through my mind.

 

I then transitioned to direct patient care in the heart station and cardiac floor. In this position I assisted patients through stress tests, twenty-four hour Holter monitors, and thirty-day Holter monitors. The job gave me familiarity with the teamwork between a physician and a PA. After Seeing observing would be a better word their ability to answer the patient’s questions, I realized the PA had the tools, and more importantly the knowledge, to change a patient’s quality of life. Here, the compassionate care and role of a mid-level provider then why not NP? Avoid using general terms like "midlevel." This is for PA school. Also the term mid-level can strike a nerve for some. stuck with me as I discerned the PA profession. I then took the opportunity to shadow a number of physician assistants, including those in underserved areas.

 

In my first shadowing experience, the physician and PA received a consult for atrial fibrillation. Both were analytical and directly involved with the care plan. Although the physician implemented cardioversion and arranged further follow up care. The PA obtained the patient’s history, assessed her current condition, explained atrial fibrillation, and answered several questions. The high level of patient interaction and educative efforts of the PA affirmed which path I desired. This implies that doctors don't "do" patient interaction or education. Choose your words wisely here.  

 

My desire towards PA school was cemented once I observed PAs in underprivileged communities. Immersion trips to Winnebago’s hospital and observations at OneWorld clinics brought me to another side of medicine. On my first day, the PA asked if I had been to OneWorld before, I said, “yes, as my grandmother’s interpreter.” She smiled; off the bat we had a connection.

 

The gap between medicine and culture is evident to me. Many of their OneWorld's? be specific patients had cultural and financial barriers to medicine think healthcare would be a better word here. The consistent trait I observed with the various PAs was their commitment to treating the patient as a whole. If they were there for a rash on their back, it was the PA’s job not only to treat the patient for shingles, but address hypertension and diabetes control, something I viewed important. Hinting at PAs as PCPs... very important. go into this. As the translator for my family, I had been a long time advocate for regular check ups and control of my grandmother’s diabetes. In these clinics, a highly skilled and culturally competent PA can be the difference between a condition being caught early or progressing. This is a great paragraph. However, the essay would improve as a whole if you brought up the theme of culture and medicine earlier. In fact, the culture/healthcare disconnection would probably make a more realistic and compelling intro than your heart/brain intro.

 

While PA school will provide me with the knowledge to treat illnesses, my diverse background will provide me with empathy to deliver compassionate care, strong education, and skills to underserved communities. To me, caring for the underprivileged not only seems natural, but also has developed into a deeply rooted passion. Good, solid closing. Again. I'd REALLY consider replacing your heart/brain intro with something about culture and healthcare. Overall, with work, this would a great PS.