3rd application is the charm (I know that the intro and conclusion are the same, but I don't know which one to keep)

[dbradley12]

Sports have always played a major role in my life. I love the challenge, the competition and constant opportunities to grow. Playing sports taught me discipline, focus, and sacrifice in order to achieve my goals. Being the captain of my basketball team in both high school and college gave me the skills to delegate, communicate and take leadership. It also taught me the value of collaboration and teamwork. I have always hoped to find a career that blended my passion for health care and teamwork that I valued in sports. I believe that a career as a physician assistant fulfills these needs and that my life experiences, as well as my patient care hours have prepared me for this role.

 

This love of sports is what led me to my first exposure to the healthcare field.  As a three sport athlete in high school I spent my fair share of time in the athletic training room.  I found myself in there even when I was not injured just to see what type of treatments the athletic trainer would utilize that day.  Wanting to work with athletes at a higher level, I began college wanting to pursue physical therapy.  In my studies to pursue this field I fell even more in love with the biology and physiology of the body.  It was then that I realized I wanted to do something that was more related to the clinical side of health care. I decided to talk to my sister, a registered nurse, who helped me examine the pros and cons about the allied health fields.  I was so intrigued by the depth of responsibilities that physician assistants are given, the level of care they provide to their patients, and their flexibility between specialties. The collaborative approach with the attending physician when diagnosing, treating and even assisting in surgery appeals to me greatly. Additionally, I appreciate that the physician assistant still has autonomy in their practice.  When I finally received the opportunity to shadow a Physician Assistant and the surgeon he worked with, I was ecstatic. It was everything I had hoped, been looking for, and wanted to pursue.

 

Going forward I had some challenges with my course work.  School always came fairly easy to me and I never really had to put forth significant effort in receiving good grades; that was until my sophomore year of college came.  I had a heavy class load, persistent health issues and basketball became more demanding.  It all became too much and it reflected in my grades.  I had always been successful in whatever I did, and I did not know how to handle failure.  Determined to be successful in my academics I made the difficult decision to retire from basketball.  From this experience I learned how to reprioritize, persevere and focus on my goal of being a successful student.  With a newfound drive and perspective, I was successful in my subsequent courses as well as those that I had to repeat.

In obtaining my patient care hours at Illinois Masonic Medical Center, I use the same drive from my academic experience to help promote the health and well-being of my patients. I learned that being part of the care team is much more than helping to heal the sick; but rather providing compassionate care to patients and their families.  I engage and listen to the patient’s concerns attentively; I provide information to the patients in a way that they can understand, all while maintaining a calm but positive demeanor.  My ability to speak Spanish also helps me when connecting with my patients in addition to interpreting for physicians and other medical staff.  My peers and management team noticed my team work, and patient centered care and rewarded me with the employee of the month award.

 

In order to continue to increase the quality of patient care on my unit I joined C2It, a unit based committee that transforms care at the bedside by utilizing a rapid cycle improvement process to provide the best patient outcomes and improve employee satisfaction.  As the nursing care technician representative, it has been rewarding to be in a position to identify spots for improvement and develop initiatives to further our mission.

 

I have always hoped to find a career that blended my passion for medicine, health care, and teamwork that I valued in sports.  A career as a physician assistant fulfills these needs as well as allowing me to provide compassionate care for my patients.  My life experiences have been preparing me to pursue this career and I am now more driven than ever to become a fantastic physician assistant.

[Glorious_Ignoramus]

On first glance, the closing is not strong enough to conclude with.  Put "C2It" in quotes so it is clear you are referring to an organization and not a committee or team within a hospital.  Why is "successful" in the 3rd paragraph bolded?  Maybe it's just my browser doing something weird...

 

Rewrite your conclusion to do two things: 1) tie all parts of your narrative together 2) conclude the statement as one, flowing, cohesive thought.

 

You mention that you are bilingual, are you Hispanic/Latino?  If so, you would do good to mention this explicitly but not in a way such that you are asking for a handout, e.g. "my Latino heritage..."  Adcoms will take your ethnicity into consideration, in a good way.

 

Your intro could use work...it serves its purpose but it is not particularly strong.  You mention how your experiences as a team captain have helped you in this journey, but in what way, specifically?  Try opening with a specific example of how you, as a team captain, navigated through a difficult situation and then immediately related it to how you see yourself being a PA, or relate to a PAs clinical responsibilities in such a way which shows that you understand exactly what role a PA plays in healthcare.

 

Next question:  what is it about your last 2 applications that got you rejected?  Why do think that is?  What have you done since then to improve that?  Does your application/narrative show this?

 

I think you've got great material to work with, overall.  Keep it up and you'll get there.

 

Best of luck to you.