First Draft! Please critique if you can. Much appreciated!

[sergiogo]

“Gracias a Dios!” exclaimed Ms. Hernandez as she thanked God after finding out that she was making a vast improvement in managing both her diabetes and hypertension. As I sat there interpreting for the physician assistant (PA) during Ms. Hernandez’s visit, I knew that the PA could see the relief in her patient’s smile without any need of translation. We had gone over her lab results thoroughly and made sure she understood them clearly. Ms. Hernandez was following her treatment plan and keeping up with her medication just as she was instructed. The PA thanked her for her collaboration and held her arm as she congratulated her on her improvement. A tear went down Ms. Hernandez’s face as she said how grateful she was for the help she was getting from everyone at the free clinic.

 

Although we really wish all of the patients at the free clinic were as collaborative and appreciative as Ms. Hernandez, it is quite frustrating when the condition of some patients deteriorates due to non-compliance and when they demand for way more than what we can handle as a donation based clinic. Despite these moments of disappointment, the providers at the free clinic always keep their heads up and continue on with giving the best care they can to their patients. I admire them for their commitment and tenacity and I hope that one day I can follow their example as a PA who is dedicated, engaging, and kind to all my patients.

 

I honestly never saw myself being involved in the medical field. About seven years ago, I was a classical guitar major with no clear prospect of my future career. Music gave me a satisfying and rewarding feeling so I thought that it would make sense to go school for it. But I never really considered how I was going to make a living out of it nor how my parents were going to have to pay for my tuition, rent, food and everything else.  As much as I loved creating my own music and collaborating with fellow music majors to compose and put together wonderful performances for the public, I knew that I was a burden to my parents. They struggled financially so that I could be where I was and yet they were very supportive, for which I am immensely grateful. After much consideration, I determined that I could still fulfill my passion for music through independent study and at the same time pursue a more stable and productive career.

 

The one thing that attracted me to the Medical Laboratory Technician (MLT) program at a local community college was the synergy between healthcare providers and laboratory scientists. The accurate methods of detecting and measuring physiological markers in the human body are crucial for the diagnosis and treatment of disease. I also learned of the importance in teamwork among healthcare professionals. As MLTs, we want to communicate and provide definitive results in a timely and efficient manner to aid doctors in their diagnoses of their patients. I’m proud of my role as an MLT; however, as specimen tubes come and go, I’m left wondering what emotional distress each one of them is carrying.

 

 

After hearing about PAs from a few classmates and coworkers, I did a lot of research (mostly online) on what PAs are and what they do. Although there were many things that impressed me, the role of PAs in team-based care is what initially drew me towards the profession. I realized how important it is for there to be trust and harmony between the physician and PA in order to function proficiently and provide high quality care. Also, their impact on the primary care physician shortage has been tremendous and I’m fortunate to see it myself whenever I volunteer at the free clinic.

Although I’ve been getting most information on PAs from the American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA) website, publications from their journal (JAAPA), and other online sources, I always feel enthusiastic about embarking on this rewarding career when I talk to the PA at the free clinic as she speaks of her profession in a passionate and fervent manner. I’m very fortunate to be in the same room with her as she sees her patients. She amazes me with the compassion and concern she has for her patients and I can’t help but envisioning myself assuming her role in providing health care to people who need it most. Volunteering at the free clinic has been an invaluable experience, by giving me the opportunity to help people in need and by reassuring me of my future career as a primary care physician assistant in a medically underserved area.

 

 

Not sure if I should mention patient's name. What would be a good way to correct it?

Also, I was thinking of mentioning the first name of the PA I interact with. Would that be okay?

Thank you so much!
 

[jeniru]

I would leave out the patient's name.  Since HIPA is such a big deal, I would steer clear.  "the patient,"  "the woman"...After hearing the results, the woman exclaimed...

 

The name of the PA would not add anything.  I would leave it out.

 

What is the purpose of telling about the music?  Do you have a degree in it and need to explain the change in course?  Or time factor?  I would leave it out unless it related to something in your application that needs explaining.  I would probably not say, "I honestly never saw myself being involved in the medical field"  Just seems negative and introduces doubts.  Starting with lab as a starting point is fine.  

 

I would also change the sentence about "Although I’ve been getting most information on PAs from the American Academy of Physician Assistants (AAPA) website, publications from their journal (JAAPA), and other online sources,"  It is expected that we will research the profession online.  It is a given.  Play up your interactions with the PA, patients, etc that impressed on you your role in helping them.  

 

Otherwise, I like it.  

[sergiogo]

jeniru, thank you for taking the time to read and post. I really appreciate it!

Yes, I should leave out the patient's name because of HIPAA and just refer to her as "the woman" or "the patient." And leaving the name of the PA out would be okay too.

I added my background as a music major both to add something unique about myself and to explain my transcripts when I was in music school. I got mostly A's in music courses but C's, D's, and F's in gen eds. Maybe I should just explain it differently? or I should just take it out since music will have nothing to do with my prospective career as a PA?

The statement on never seeing myself involved in the medical field is very negative now that I think about, so that's definitely coming out. I wanted to highlight the 180 degree turn I took from music to medical technology, but the way I worded it came out kind of negative and I do agree that it introduces doubts.

I feel like I do have much more to say about my interactions with the PA and patients so I will add more of that.

Thank you so much again!