Second draft. I would really appreciate all any suggestions you have for me!

[douglas]

Submitted! Thank you!

[Zanna]

The only thing I have to add is just little nit picky things like making sure you don't alternate from past and present tenses in the same paragraph. The paragraphs all flow together very well. I wish mine had that kind of flow.  I love the story in the beginning. It shows how you have the ability to work with a diverse group of people. I do, however, think you could elaborate on it and make the story more personable maybe? Just by looking at your essay I'm guessing you are nearly exactly at your 5000 character limit so I don't know what you could take out to be able to do that? It seems as though one good story that shows, rather than tells, the caliber of person you are is what really seems to be the clinchers on these essays. Good Luck!

[douglas]

Any other suggestions, guys? I appreciate all the help!