Stuck in a story.

[IWest]

Good morning all,

 

I got stuck in a story and I need a little help hacking into it. I cant seem to do it on my own. Any help is appreciated!!! 

 

 

I first met Marcus a little over 2 years ago when he and his family were new to our clinic where I work as a clinical research coordinator (CRC). They were desperate to know why 8 year old Marcus wasn’t growing; his younger sister towered above him. As loving siblings often do, they were constantly tackling each other to the floor while their mother and Dr. Wright were talking. “Stop it! Stop it or we’re not got to GameStop!” You have to understand the office in which I am a CRC is located in Tallahassee, however most of our patient population comes from rural, and medically underserved areas in Georgia and Florida (no GameStop). This 8 year old and his family traveled in their beat up jeep three hours on dirt and back roads to get to our clinic for their first visit. Back to the story: While Dr. Wright is explaining the results of the GH Stimulation test and MRI it becomes clear that Marcus’ mother is getting overwhelmed. This is where I am introduced for a second time by Dr. Wright as she leaves the room, and it becomes clear why I am there. As a CRC, I scout out patients who may be interested in participating in clinical trials. This family was a perfect fit, they just didn’t know it and it is my job to explain all corners of the clinical trial.

 

After clarifying Marcus’ results and explaining the clinical trial to the family, the mother had questions. She asked all of the standard newly diagnosed and clinical trial questions with Marcus making sure she get directions to GameStop. I could tell her mind was racing with thoughts but my position in our team affords me the opportunity to answer every question one at a time until clarity begins to form. After sending Marcus' family home with some paperwork she and the patient eventually decided to go with the clinical trial.

 

Now I get to catch-up on the latest school gossip, verify dosing and I’m the first to show him and his mother his growth chart at their research visits. At times however, I am also charged with the duty of giving the patient and family bad news, like when their Home Healthcare Nurse was no longer going to be coming to the patient’s apartment for their GH injections. Because this family was so far from the clinic, there was only one solution; I would have to teach them how to administer the injections. The mother panicked and refused to learn. She even threatened to pull out of the clinical trial unless the nurse was reinstated. As frustrating as the situation was, our hands were tied. Marcus at this point looked to me for help. I ask him would he like to learn how to give himself a GH injection if mom supervised and he wholeheartedly agreed. After 15 minutes of practicing drawing up the saline diluents properly, and injecting pillows, my arm and then finally his thighs, he was ready for the real thing. He gave his first GH injection with Dr. Wright, his mother, and myself watching the whole process. We were all so astonished with him. “You didn’t make one mistake, I am so proud of you! It’s amazing how far you’ve come since your first visit here!” I told him.

 

Later, as we were checking his mother out, Marcus opened the book he was reading for school and read a quote out loud with the hopes of getting the attention back on him. “Each mistake teaches you something new about yourself. There is no failure, remember, except in no longer trying. It is the courage to continue that counts.” These words struck a chord with me. There’s no way he could know I’ve been down about an unsuccessful PA school application cycle, right? As I stood there speechless, mouth half open, Marcus noticed my stare. His eyes widened with excitement and he yelled “GAMESTOP!” shoved me out of the way, and bolted out the front door. Marcus didn’t know it, but listening to him read those words was the impetus I needed to redouble my efforts for PA school matriculation. I may not have succeeded on my first try, but with the lessons I’ve learned this past year, I know that I can reach my goal of becoming a PA.

 

In all of this is should be clear why I want to be a PA; I love the relationships that can be forged with patients in a clinical setting. Furthermore, I understand and appreciate the fact that the highest quality, most compassionate care comes from a well-trained collaborative healthcare team. A rapidly changing healthcare field calls for healthcare professionals that can respond quickly, while still providing the care all patients deserve. I believe as a PA I’ll be in the best position to work within the complex and diverse organization that is healthcare, with the efforts of making a patients experience the best it can be. This has always been my goal. In fact, I can’t imagine a more fulfilling career. Sometimes, though, it takes a 10 year old to remind you that you have the courage to push on.

[Katier123]

I would cut out some of the details about how marcus was acting. To me its was a little distracting. This essay needs to be more about you. Think back to the prompt and come up with 3 or 4 reasons you are interested in being a PA and tie it to you experience and add a story in afterwards to emphasize those points. As a CRC you should have a ton of experience with working autonomously (Im one too :) ). Take advantage of it. Also explain what you learned in the last year when you hightlight the reasons you want to be a PA instead of stating point-blank you are a reapplicant. I think it might be better to hint at it rather than using the space for that sentance. The adcom will (probably) know you are a reapp. I did the same thing with my first draft. Its hard to avoid getting stuck in story while also making it interesting.

[jeniru]

There is a lot of story but not a lot about what you learned, or realized, from the story.  I think that it could be condense greatly.  Condense it and then end it with the part about the quote from the book.  That is the reason for the story.  Focus more on that than the story itself.  I did the same thing when writing mine initially.  I have some great stories but the PS is about the take away from the story.  I really liked your last paragraph (minus the "it should be clear part...because I learned about your story but not about growing growing passion or your take away from the stories)