Final Draft? Let me know what you think. Any suggestions are more than appreciated.

[ahjlebo8]

I recall first meeting a Physician Assistant (PA) at the local emergency department where I was being treated for kidney stones. As I lay in bed twisting in agonizing pain, the PA sits next to me making small talk while doing a thorough exam. He took the time to explain the number of possibilities for why the pain managed to come in waves, as well as helping in reducing it. That feeling of serenity and intelligence for his interpretation of my situation reassured me that I was in good hands. Not only was he concerned enough to help me in my misery, but took the time to treat me as a person.

After having a magnificent association with such a caregiving PA, I decided to become one too. I envisioned myself working as a PA and making a phenomenal experience to those who would soon need my help.

I soon learned the need for PA’s in our nation, especially in underserved communities. We have grown into one of the fastest developing professions in recent years. The proficiency of being able to change specialties gives for an even greater feeling of job satisfaction.  This provides an opportunity to secure my future in one of many specialties as a PA.

Helping those in undeserved and rural communities inspires me to become the best I can be. Whenever I travel to Guanajuato, México, I try to help out in our neighboring clinic in any way possible. I helped in documenting vaccine information while the doctor administers the vaccines to those who cannot afford it. The people in our area don’t have enough wealth to travel to the cities to see a doctor. Helping out at the clinic makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. Even though I am not the one administering the vaccines, I feel that my service was of good use.

My work experience in health care began as a pharmacy technician. Looking back at those years, I see myself helping those countless patients, especially those unable to speak English. Being able to interact with patients helped me strengthen my interpersonal skills. Working as a Senior Pharmacy Technician helped me tremendously in learning to work autonomously with my pharmacist. I am able to manage stress and work under pressure. These traits will help me in working with other colleagues and be able to solve problems in a timely manner.

I obtained a part time job as a scribe at my local emergency department. Being able to witness firsthand what a physician goes through on a regular basis has given me an insight on what my career entails. I have gained an abundant amount of experience by shadowing and working next to the physicians. The emergency department has been an exceptional place to gain knowledge for my profession as a PA.

Working sixty-hour weeks is a glimpse to what PA school will be like. Both experiences have taught me in becoming more efficient. Having both backgrounds will only shape me into a better healthcare provider.

My home life is valuable to my career. The primary language we speak here is Spanish. This gives me the ability to speak, read, and write this language.  Going deeper into my house life, I am responsible in helping my brother succeed in school. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with autism at a young age. My mother never finished grade school while my father comes home late from work. It is an enormous duty to teach my brother new material because of his inability to grasp information right away. Helping and guiding him relates to that of a PA’s line of duty. We have to be able to monitor our patient’s conditions and be there to help them manage a healthier lifestyle.

 I had a bumpy start beginning college. I soon learned the need to reassess my priorities to better help my career goals. A set schedule had to be made in order to be able to accomplish all my personal responsibilities. Even with the task of working full time and having to help my family, I managed to see an improvement in my grades. I succeeded in graduating Cum-Laude, proof that my career became the most important part of my life. Having these obligations on my shoulders formed me into the mature adult I am today.

Being the first one to graduate with a Bachelor’s in my family is an astounding accomplishment. Being able to graduate with a Masters in Physician Assistant Studies will be an even greater achievement. I have dedicated my life in preparation to begin my career, giving countless hours of studying for what is the beginning of a lifetime of knowledge. Every failure is a blessing in disguise. Being waitlisted last year gave me an edge to work even harder to achieve my goal. I have learned that the past is a lesson, the present is a gift, and the future the determination I need to become an extraordinary PA.

[Glorious_Ignoramus]

The writing is good overall, here are the changes that I would make:

 

You give emphasis to your initial PA encounter by using the experience as an opening statement; this tells me that your encounter as a patient is a reason you are applying to PA school.  I would not include this.  Use the opening paragraph to grab attention and make it clear why you want to be a PA.  You can open with an anecdote, an experience, a story, anything but a patient experience or a "when I was 17, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life..."

 

The paragraph about your time in Guanajuato is solid gold.  Perhaps use this as a focal point of your narrative?  It's good to be specific about what it is you desire to do, but without specifying a specialty.  You've done this well.

 

Echo the above statement about the paragraph describing your home life.  So, I am assuming you are Mexican?  If this is the case, you would be within an underrepresented minority and should find a way highlight this fact directly without coming across as if you are asking for a handout.  It could be as easy as opening a sentence with something like "My Mexican heritage..."

 

You do an excellent job explaining past subpar grades.  You don't dwell on it, you are concise and frank.  Well done.

 

In the last paragraph, keep the first sentence but delete the second one.  Being a first gen grad student is not a sufficient reason to be a PA, even if this is not what you mean by it, it could be taken that way.

 

Your entire narrative could be restructured in such a way as to focus on the following aspects of your life:

 

- You're a bilingual, underrepresented minority and first gen college student

- Experience in Guanajuato

- Pharm tech experience

 

Get rid of the following:

 

- The changing specialties bit

- Initial contact with a PA as a patient

- Being a first gen master's student

 

Consider rewriting the following:

 

- Impression of the first PA you had contact with (ie, it left you with a standard to look up to, but not a reason to become a PA)

- Nation's physician shortage (it's good you are aware of the state of healthcare, but again job security cannot be a reason you want to be a PA.  It's one aspect that you can put in the pro column but can't be a reason to do it)

- What experience in the ER leads you to believe it is valuable to your application?  Expound on that.

- Being waitlisted.  This seems to be an afterthought...instead of closing with a brief statement about this, it needs to be somewhere else which flows in a thought and you would do well to explain why this time around is different than last time.

- Closing paragraph.  Open strong, close strong!  Tie your narrative up in a nice, complete package.  If you decide to open with an anecdote, close out with a part of that same anecdote.  Something to satisfy the reader that they have read a complete story about your life and why you want to be a PA.

 

Your narrative should flow as one overall complete thought with 3 or 4 separate parts.  Think of it as a short story in terms of structure.  Open strong, body, close strong.  One complete thought.  Even if the body consists of separate thoughts, it should all be wrapped up at the end, it should all come together and fit as a single thought.

 

Double, triple, quadruple check your grammar and sentence structure, and never stop editing and revising until you hit the send button.  Overall, you have some excellent material with which to work.  I think you'll do great.